I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
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Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
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Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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