I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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