We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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