conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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