Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
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