I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize