DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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