so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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