fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
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I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
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You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
We are all done wearing pants today
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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