I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Dear god my vagina.
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