in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
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