I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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