Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
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