His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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