I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
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There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
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It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Randomize