I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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