The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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