Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize