Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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