I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
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She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
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He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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