If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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