She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
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Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
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I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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