so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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