Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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