Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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