my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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