I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
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My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
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Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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