dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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