Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
from now on my penis is your penis
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize