Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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