if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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