Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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