I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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