I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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