Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Can't talk, ducks in the car
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize