my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
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some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
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