I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize