I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
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he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
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He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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