how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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