operation have a gay friend backfired
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
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Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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