Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
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