mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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