Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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