Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize