it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
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On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
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we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
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