apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
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pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
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Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
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