Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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