you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
