So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize