The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize