One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
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You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
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You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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