I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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